FORGET PARIS.

Yeh, we get it. The Eiffel Tower is romantic. Walking the canals of Venice is magical. Amsterdam is wild, and every single person in Barcelona is beautiful.

FORGET PARIS.

Yeh, we get it. The Eiffel Tower is romantic. Walking the canals of Venice is magical. Amsterdam is wild, and every single person in Barcelona is beautiful.

These are the lynchpins of the Euro circuit for good reason. There's no doubting why most of the Western world spends their workdays dreaming about booking a one-way flight.

The thing is, everyone wants to go to these places.

And it’s causing chaos. Local residents are being driven out by hordes of holiday-makers, and those holiday-makers are being forced to queue for hours in sweaty lines, paying top dollar for a glimpse of the Mona Lisa from 50 metres away. BYO binoculars.

But we’ve got good news—there’s more to Europe than Italy, France and being rejected from Berghain. Chic spots are popping up everywhere, replacing the old firm as the continent’s trendiest. So why not give an alternate Euro trip a go? Besides going to cool AF places your friends have never heard of, your back pocket will also be better off (especially considering the current cost of flights), and the locals will say thanks.

So, here’s our guide to a European odyssey sans crowds, with trips for every type of traveller and personality (OK we haven’t done a Myers-Briggs on this, but it’s pretty comprehensive):

FAROE ISLANDS > NORWAY

It takes a pretty wild thinker to go: “yep, the Faroe Islands is where I’d like to go next for my holiday”. But often wild thinkers are right on the money. I mean, take Isaac Newton proposing the world was an 'oblate spheroid'. Wild thinking, indeed.

A sparsely populated group of island specks in the North Atlantic Ocean, about halfway between the U.K. and Iceland, the Faroes are all about outrageous, raw beauty. There are 18 volcanoes to hike, wild ocean to swim and a culture that is both fascinating and somewhat gnarly (they eat whale, unapologetically). It all makes for an absorbing place to visit: not bad from a population of just 50,000 people.

GO FAR-OUT

THE TRULY

RARE UNIT

THE TRULY RARE UNIT

DO go chasing waterfalls.

Quaint AF.

The rugged, dramatic Lake Sørvágsvatn.

THE

PARTY KING

& QUEEN

BELGRADE > BERLIN

Didn’t get into Berghain? Say no more, fam. Eastern Europe’s unofficial party capital is Belgrade, a city where they say the hyperinflation of the 1990s taught people how to really live in the moment.

There are DJs spinning patrons into a frenzy on the Danube River in floating nightclubs (known as Splavs), and gigs at the mighty Belgrade Fortress that looms over the city. How many times have you seen a world-class band play in a 1,700-year-old fortress?

Kings (and queens) of the castle.

MAKE THE BELGRADE

DEPLAR FARM > EVERY OTHER PRICEY HOTEL

Large, fancy hotels are out. Farms are in.

Deplar Farm in Iceland’s north is no ordinary, Old McDonald kind of farm—the turf-roofed accommodations here are some of the most extraordinary on the planet. The word 'farm' is a serious understatement for what you'll find here, and we love that. Not only is this place epic, it’s humble too.

Deplar is pushing the boundaries of what luxury is: guests are encouraged to take on mental and physical challenges that get them out of their comfort zone. This might be salmon fishing, sea kayaking and mountaineering, or something more left of field like axe -throwing or ‘sensory-deprivation’ night walks.

There’s the Viking Float—a kind of spa and sauna combo that looks out over the rugged beauty of the (deceptively ugly sounding Troll Peninsula). We’re not gonna lie, this place is going to hit you in the back pocket. But if you’ve got cash to burn, this might be the greatest place you ever stay.

FARM LIFE

ANYONE

THAT CAN

AFFORD IT

ANYONE

THAT CAN

AFFORD IT

Image caption.

THE

SUMMER LOVER

THE

SUMMER

LOVER

FINNISH LAPLAND > THE SOUTH OF FRANCE

Swimming in summer? Yes. They go hand in hand, like Batman and Robin, or Brendan Gleeson and Colin Farrell. Swimming in Finland? Less likely, but a surprising delight. Like ice cream and hot chips.

Owing to its abundance of lakes (the moniker 'Land of a Thousand Lakes' is misleading as there are actually over 187,000 lakes across the country) swimming is a big deal in Finnish culture. The warmth of the midnight sun means night swims are aways a go—midnight skinny dips are less recommended, unless you're an exhibitionist. Lake Saiima in the southern Lakeland region is stocked with gorgeous log cabins you can rent that allow you to enjoy river swimming and then smoke saunas—in that order, on repeat.

Backflips are mandatory.

It gets up to a balmy 22°C in summer and although the water is coolish, the seemingly unending sun means it’s time for a dip 24/7. Pack the kossies and nothing else.

FIND A CABIN FOR SOME LAKELAND LAPS

THE

FESTIVAL RAT

MEADOWS IN THE MOUNTAINS > GLASTONBURY

The nature-first commitment at Bulgaria's Meadows in the Mountains is evident in the universally agreed upon highlight of the festival—which is neither band nor DJ. It’s the sun.

Yes, Big Yella himself emerges above the mist, and between the mountains, to sensational acclaim each year in the serene setting of Bulgaria’s Rhodope Mountains. As it has done since the dawn of time, but now with the approbation it deserves.

Meadows in the Mountains (June 1 – June 5) has been described as a cross between Glastonbury and Burning Man—a Brit and banter-heavy crowd gathering with the shared desire to lose the plot. But with additional sprinklings of creative energy and an appreciation for nature. It’s cheaper and much easier to get tickets than most other European summer festivals, and when you do make it to bed at night you can stay with locals at the bottom of the mountain.

TO THE MOUNTAINS

THE

FESTIVAL RAT

THE ALWAYS

HUNGRY

GEORGIA > ITALY

We’re not about to take on Italian food—that is one delicious behemoth deserving of its culinary crown. BUT! We reckon Georgian cuisine—from the small country south of Russia in the Caucasus Mountains—is one of the most underrated in the world.

Think dumplings, heaps of cheese, stews and spices served in scenic locations by Georgian nannas who simply won’t take no for an answer. Georgia also has a pretty strong claim on inventing wine, and there are excellent trips to wineries where you can spend a day 'working'—that is,‘stamping and sampling’ the grapes. Stamp away, and think of it as an act of appreciation for their gift to the world.

STOMP THE (GRAPE) YARD

Tastes better from grandma.

ARAN ISLANDS > GREEK ISLANDS

Sure, Mykonos, Santorini and co. are among the prettiest places on earth. But if they are pretty in the manner of say, Timothée Chalamet, then the Aran Islands—a chain of rocky isles off the wild Irish west coast—are the roguishly good-looking European cousin… Idris Elba.

The largest of these is Inishmore (Inis Mór), thinly veiled as the location of Best Picture nominated Banshees of Inishirin. Take the Wormhole for example—an extraordinary natural swimming pool in a near-perfect rectangular shape where locals jump for fun and Red Bull holds cliff-diving competitions. No resorts, party spots or gyros, just fresh air and plenty of outdoor craic.

GET MÓR

THE

ISLAND AFICIONADO

THE ISLAND

AFICIONADO

Welcome to the Wormhole.

Dolphins in Ireland are a real, unexpected thing.

THE

LEATHER

SKIN BEACH

REPTILE

ALBANIA'S SECRET BEACHES > DUBROVNIK

Albania is known by a few (nerds) as the place where Lord Voldemort went into hiding during his Harry Potter-enforced exile. And if you were privvy to the stunning Adriatic beaches here, you'd go into hiding too.

The Karaburun Peninsula is dotted with extraordinary, unheralded beaches where you won’t be charged 10 euro for a chair because, in all likelihood, you’ll be the only one there. There are even caves to explore, if you're less of a beach bum and more of an ocean adventurer. Plot twist: maybe Voldemort was never in exile at all. Maybe he was just taking it easy, sipping cocktails and enjoying the view to the Adriatic. Get to your nearest portkey, or apparate here immediately, before the crowds do.

ALBANIA’S BEST BEACHES

Insert yourself here.

Voldermort's most recent IG post.

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